Immaturity - Maturity ...

Does 'rejection' bring maturity ??!




I believe it doesn't! Well, majority of the people keep on repeating their mistakes and they never ever learn .. I wonder WHY ?!

I want this day BACK !

2nd-Oct-2004 - Saturday

Fading away ..

Don't matter what people say,
I never did believe them,
I know, I know they know everything ..

I'll be alright by myself,
and no one's gonna tell me I'm defined,
confined by love
now our days seems strange,
I guess my heart was bound to change

I fell out, out of you and me
you're fading from view
and you're falling into history

I never thought that I'd say,
that I don't really miss you,
I lived, I breathed your breath through me
time has a way of passing by,
until I don't remember why or how to hurt for you
love's pain has gone somewhere,
and I'm finally be there ..

I fell out, out of you and me
you're fading from view
and you're falling into history ..

Helplessness ..

There are times when you feel there is NOTHING you can do now , NOTHING you can change .. And you can't even escape .. you can't even go some where far far away .. to hide .. to be alone! The world keeps on telling you that you're totally HELPLESS!!

Everyone suffers from this state one day or another .. Once,twice,thrice .. or more .. You face it, you suffer and then you come out of it!! HOW?!

" I'm help-less! " - I hate this sentence. I really really hate it.

I've suffered how does it feel to REALIZE that you're helpless and one thing which i came to know is that becoming helpless makes me CRY !! ..

Is there anything , any solution through which you can beat this HELPLESSNESS ??

I don't have and i'm helpless ....

Wishes and Desires ..

I want to go back to the time ...


When getting high meant On a swing ..

When drinking meant Orange juice ..

When protection meant Wearing a helmet ..

When Mom was Home ..

When Dad's shoulders was the Highest place on earth ..

When your sibling were your Worst enemies ..

When the only drug you knew was Cough syrup ..

When the only thing that could hurt you was Skinned knees ..

When the only thing broken were your Toys ..

When we could wear whatever We wanted ..

When good-byes only meant till Tomorrow ..

When you could have Everyone and Anyone .. !!

A note of thanks ..

Have been taking decisions and making plans since last few months .. I thought i'm over with it, tired of my life and then Allah blessed me with 'Someone' .. Who came,who saw and who conquered *=)* ...

Thanks for coming into my life just at the right time .. Thanks for ..umm .. meri aqal thikaanay laganay k liye .. :) .. Thanks for making me understand all that i already knew but never tried to realize .. Thanks for being there not to listen but to TELL !! .. Thanks LAYS !! :)



* Time heals .. it really does !

All over ..

Two separate, distinct personalities, not separate at all, but inextricably bound, soul and body and mind, to each other, how did we get so far apart so fast?

- Judith Guest.

ACCEPT !!

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.


- George Bernard Shaw.

TOO LITTLE TIME !!

Too many thoughts, too many things to sort out, too many assignments to submit, too many finishing iss needed to complete my journal, too many issues to be resolved, too many friends, too many fights, too many wishes.......








I DESPERATLY NEED A BREAK !!!

Lost ...

Junoon ?? .. No, obviously i'm not talking about Ali azmat wala Junoon .. I actually want to know the meaning of this word .. ' JUNOON ' !

I don't know why but whenever i say 'Junoon' .. i feel something deep inside .. i don't know what i feel but i do .. I always say that i'm Numb! .. Being 'Numb' and still 'Feeling' - WOWW!! .. Amazing .. isn't it? .. :)

Maybe I'm not Numb .. not precisely because i feel *something* when i say 'Junoon' .. but maybe because i really feel at times .. I don't exactly remember when i felt something by heart last time .. let me think .. ummm .. mmm .. when i came to know that i've passed my Intermediate with *good* grade ?? .. Did i feel happy that time?? Did i really feel anything?? I think I did .. but not as much as i should have !! .. I still remember that day .. It was Sunday .. My cousins were at my place .. and we decided to go for Halwa poori's naashta .. we went .. we were excited [i wasn't .. i'm numb!] .. we had fun .. shayad i had fun too .. when we reached back .. I read the newspaper and then i came to know My result is expected today .. [Result ?? Sunday ko?? Kyuun??] .. as soon as i read that .. i started smsing my friends [ uthoo!! .. aaj result aaraha hai!! ] .. my whole family plus my cousins started teasing and irritating me .. [ kiya main irritate horahi thi?? or was i just pretending?? ] I came upstairs .. turned on the PC .. opened the website .. and then i started ghoomna phirna idher udher orkut per .. finally at around 2 o'clock .. i came to know that the result is announced .. silently i checked it .. and when i saw 'CLEARED' .. i just thanked Allah silently .. then after 2, 3 minutes i called my elder sister who was in her room .. I simply said .. ' Tahreem !! .. main pass hogayi :D ' .. [My voice was loud enough that my cousin suddenly woke up from deeeeeeepp sleep ] .. they all started shouting and congratulating me ... upper neechay pooray ghar main shor mach gaya .. [weren't they expecting k main pass hojaongi? :O ] .. or were they just so much happy.. simply *happy* :) .. i was sitting so calmly .. no i was pretending to show all of them that yess!! m happy too !! .. i checked the results of my other friends .. went down stairs to attend the phone calls of my *excited friends* .. called my grand-mother to tell her that her grand-daughter is very intelligent =/ .. But i think i was really happy that day .. yes i felt really really good !! after a very long time .. I kept on smiling the whole day .. and it means i was happy .. smiling not because i had to pretend but because i really wanted to smile .. :) !!

Since then .. matlab since November'07 I haven't ever felt that much happy again .. Why ?? I don't know .. No , i know .. because I'm Numb!!

And when i cried last time?? When i really really felt that much bad ?? .. let me think again ..... yeahh .. when in April'07 .. my father got a Heart-attack .. I felt like i'm all alone !! .. I felt like attempting suicide !! .. I cried for 3 days .. and then everything came back to normal .. Abbu came back from hospital so as my Life !! .. since then i haven't felt *sadness* and why'd I ?? I'm Numb!!

I felt very bad when i got admission in Sociology .. but not as bad as i should have !! .. i can't explain how much i hate being there .. but still i didn't feel that much bad .. because I'm Numb !!

I felt bad 9 days ago .. When my uncle passed away .. I cried and cried for the whole night .. but i don't know why i was crying ?? .. But i did !! .. Next morning i saw his dead-body .. the whole family cried when they saw it .. even the distant relatives cried .. but i didn't .. why?? Because ......... *:)*



Huuuffff .. Mind is really 'Aawaara' ..!! .. I wanted to discuss 'Junoon' .. and this 'Numbness' ..... huh !!


Can anyone please define 'Junoon' for me ?? =/

Random *

Expressing for the first time .. well actually trying to 'express' .. why? I don't know .. no i think i know the reason .. its maybe because *someone* inspired me so much last night .. or should i better say i loved the way that *someone* writes .. =) ..

I actually had so many thoughts in my mind when i created this blog .. but damn!! .. my nephew is disturbing me a lot right now .. sitting beside me .. " Lakrri ki kaatthi dobara lagayen .. nahi balkay ab Akkarr bakkar laga dain .. taiz tou karain .. aisa karain forward kardain ...... " .. I can't refuse him .. i can't even scold him .. because i love him so much .. but them his Mama loves him too .. most probably she loves him more than me but she even slaps him at times .. !! .. I read somewhere ' You hurt them the most whom you love the most ' .. is it so ?? .. i agree sometimes but then i disagree at times .. yes !! I'm quite confused !! .. Confused about so many things .. confused about my Career, confused with my thoughts, confused with the way i feel for people, always confused with 'what to wear today'?? , and most of all .. I'm even confused with what to eat in my breakfast !! .. Ammi asks, Kiya khaaogi? and i say Kuch bhi bana dain :S .. she knows i'll give the same answer daily .. yet she asks me daily .. with much concern in her voice .. i don't know why .. I'm confused about it too =/ ...

Btw, i opened this site to read that *someones's* more stuff and i started to write on my own .. how weird !! ..

Weather is too pleasant today .. it was drizzling sometime ago .. but it didn't rain !! .. Why ?? Beacuse I was WAITING ??! .. Nahi? ..


* Words are not helping me anymore .. will try some other time .. *sigh* !!